feindre

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2008-03-06T03:15:00.001-08:00

change of blog add:

http://sobbingclowns.blogspot.com

please kindly relink when you're free! thanks eh (x

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2007-10-29T21:00:00.001-07:00

Byebye! ((x

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2007-10-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

went to shop with my mum.

suppose to be OUR shopping trip but it ended HER shopping trip instead.

went to some shop and saw a necklace that i really like so i look and look, thinking whether i should buy or not.

suddenly,

a man's voice told me i should. He say it's unique and nice. Then i turned around. He was a man in woman's body.

he looked pretty (I've got to admit that)

somehow i envy him. he was courageous. he dare to step out of the group of people who are afraid of the world pin pointing them, saying they're the 'special kind' of people.

but hey, these people out there, do what you want, life is short, who cares what other's may say? They may say you ah gua or whatever but so? you like it this way then be it. being a normal human is boring soemtimes either.

Moreover, this guy even got a job. got a real life.

he's cool.

you can despise me because you are an idiot who only sees things from your view and do not put yourself in other's shoes or you'll support me and not outcast them.

so don't give any "special" stares when you see them. i bet they're much better than you.

you think you're in circumstances where you think you look pretty and people just tell you, you've got the worse face and you started crying your whole eyes out because you're too upset?

what about them?

and before you outcast anybody or pin point at anyone, think about what if you were one of them next time?

don't be selfish and destroy other's lifestyles just because your mind doesn't recognise it as normal. your lifestyle may even be abnormal to them, silly.

just blog whatever i want. you can leave negative or positive comments but it doesn't change my mind.

and to some people, don't feel so unwanted and outcast just because majority doesn't recognise your lifestyle. do what you want.

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2007-09-23T00:56:00.000-07:00

To everyone:

It's time to rehab.

Put on a freaky dress, fingers pointing at you with constant craps flowing out of their mouths. it's not your fault either, your eyes told you that freaky dress was the best. Keep to your own perception, don't be caught up by their comments.

And, cheers for those who're upset. Smile is the beginning of something good ahead. Let it blow by you. After a storm, sunshine arrives.

tears are limited, unlike smiles.
you can smile a million years but you can't cry more than a week.

next time just go on and leave. nobody cares how many steps you took upon leaving.

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2007-09-08T03:21:00.000-07:00

I'M A HAPPY GIRL NOW!

I LOVE EVERYONE AROUND ME. MY FRIENDS, MY CLASS, MY CCA AND ALL INCLUDING that girl whom i don't really like but she had changed a bit, so do my impression of her!

Thank you for being there! I've changed a lot!

I love my 'Happy Family' which includes my girl girl and husband. Yea play some childish family games.

Cause' I've got you all! so blessed.

something random on Friday.

There was lift filled with around 7 people from Class 3 Grace.
Zhi Kai, the last person, stepped into the lift.
The lift says ' (ding-dong) Capacity overload. May the last pessenger please leave the lift'

OMG! HAHAHHAHAH!

it happened not just once but twice.

There was a lift again with 5 people from 3Grace and 2 instructors.
Zhi Kai, again the last person, stepped into the lift.
The lift says '(ding-dong) Capacity overload. May the last pessenger please leave the lift'
Sadly, he stepped out of lift.
Instructor see him so ke lian, stepped out of lift to give Zhi Kai a space.
Zhi Kai stepped in a again.
The lift repeats its words again...

OMG! HAHHAHAH! AGAIN?!

Unfortunately, he stepped out again...

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2007-09-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

Do notes until i sleep, totally blanked out from sian-ess. Ran out of house with Spotty but he urinate at my neighbours' doorstep! ))x

So many places for him to urinate yet he choose my neighbours doorstep and no where else!

ended up apologising uncle and wash away the urine...so pai sey.

something random, sis named me 'Scissors Legs' cause i kiap whatever i can with legs rather than arms. And she named me 'PPP' which stands for...Poisonous Pimple Plantation -_- she even reminded me that plantation is larger than factory. she called herself 'PPP' as well but that represents Pretty, Petty, Princess...Oh man...

Playing a song over and over to remind me something i had not remembered for long time ago.

故事的小黄花

从出生那年就飘着

童年的荡秋千

随记忆一直晃到现在

吹着前奏望着天空

我想起花瓣试着掉落

为你翘课的那一天

花落的那一天

教室的那一间

我怎么看不见

消失的下雨天

我好想再淋一遍

没想到失去的勇气我还留着

好想再问一遍

你会等待还是离开

刮风这天我试过握着你手

但偏偏雨渐渐

大到我看你不见

还要多久我才能在你身边

等待放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点

从前从前有个人爱你很久

但偏偏风渐渐

把距离吹得好远

好不容易又能再多爱一天

但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜

Yeah! end of tale, i won't remember the beginning but the ending remains.

Hope you didn't throw them away, keep them as memories.

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2007-08-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

yeah! i love my classmates! They just rocks!

got back my results, sucked.

but then leh! Thanks to!!!!

Adeline, we went for one toliet trip and i came back with a smile!
Wesley, he wished me luck! He's been a great classmate!
Jacob, he also wished me luck!
Jeanette, she taught me time management!
Derek, i got a free hotdog! hee, i was broke.
Xuemei, hearing me out in canteen, and told me never run from home or do anything stupid.

so i expected a scolding, a mass one.

but randomly! dad, came home, sign, said nothing, perhaps speechless and told me wash hands to eat durians. ((x

I dropped it because i don't know hahah, maybe she and he was right. i should have dropped it long ago?

i really like this ending, the best ones ever! i wanna thank her can?! ((x

this blog is dead. so dun bother.

2007-08-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

feel so blessed.

thank you people for always being there.

i feel like a younger sister to you people.

thanks to you guys for always speaking common sense and logic to make me feel I'm not alone.in fact i feel so dependent on you all, like whenever down or lost, just go online to find you all to talk it out. feel happy to have company. little chat can make so much change in me especially with horrible C.T results and quarrels in a warm home with dearest father and mother (ironic?).

learnt something from literature,

why people read and enjoy fantasy?
because their lives are not fulfilling enough so they read stories or listen musics to enter the fantasy world and imagine their fairytales. somehow, to think about it again, every one does that.

why we listen music?
like picture speaks a thousand words, music speaks a thouand life stories.

father, you're angry, i know. I'm worried, do you know?
actually, you DON'T KNOW!

after so long, why are you still the one who've been so nice?

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2007-07-22T01:51:00.000-07:00

Farewell Function 07.

lala. Farewell to all sec 4s, when you see the image of our squad in your dream, that would be your sweetest dream! ((x

Chee Ying said that kind of dream would freak her out in the night. hee.

and, realised it's not easy to be emcee, majority of the job was done by Derek.ho! ho! I'm like throughout the whole night, eating non-stop with Donovan? The food was great! got pizza some more.

But! the left-overs were all taken away by the Safra ppl instead of giving back to us, how bad. We pay, they eat.

Pictures

Michelle and Me in chalet.

best eating and singing squadmate! Donovan!

Me and Sheep (bald one)

Admin Department!

me and Chin-less ZQ

Me and Dead Chris.Tang

Xuemei!

(clockwise) Joanne Sirong Teck Geok Liling Chee Ying Shanni

Me and Lillian

Lillian and Me

Me and Xuemei

Me and Leslie

me and Jingyi

Chee Ying and Me

Shi Yun and Me

Scholar and Me

Me and Mr. Botak

Liquan and Me

Me Suhail (National Day Tamil Song addict) Liquan

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2007-06-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

Gave dad the surprise, i made it at least. Hee.

i couldn't recover from it, i swear i'm frightened.

i have heard nobody suffering this for so long. i saw a poster today. it said it could be an illness.

well...

four times of visits with doctors, none of them worked.
she told me not to eat things i shouldn't, i had did what was told but till now, nothing seems to improve. "you may not even recover", she said.

is this gonna accompy me forever? i pray not.
i'm almost used to it being within me now.

watch me smile and cry beneath. this is what i call life.

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2007-06-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

children see.
children do.
so be good models.

i'm felt myself a lousy daughter, i can't even dig up time for Father's Day gift and brought a piece of shit. an ashtray. encouraging him to smoke eh.

and! i felt i'm a lousy runner... one round around school can leave jeanne dead.

thanks so much to Daniel, Gregory and Zhi kai! hehe! they found my thumb drive! they did signals behind my back, asking each other if i was crying haha! comical them!

i don't know why but i guessed my sister must had been killing time at office. she sent me exactly 16 similiar emails! omg.

random

hokkien song- message to all drivers.

wu lang kwa za bo, ji long duo lau ah po!

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2007-05-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

woked up early today. surprising.

went to visit fatty. as usual. never did he missed me. he dao-ed me, shifted his tail and went back to sleep.

opened my dirty clothes zip lock, stupidly placed my face in front of it and almost faint.

rushed to yck and meet liquan before heading to J8 to find derek and tbt.

ate subway! my first time ((x

then we went to woodlands. causeway point is simply love. it has everything.

we went to buy nalgene and went to soul garden to give zongqin. felt odd there, don't know many people, so i left.

then we went to mini toons.

Liquan: (picks up a chicken-looking duck) eh! is this a duck?

Jeanne: it's chicken lah.

Derek: (picks the chicken-duck and faced the mini toons staff) eh excuse me, is this a duck?

Staff: yea it is a duck.

Liquan: are you sure it's a duck?

Liquan: hmmm, see the tag jiu know if it's chicken or duck le ma.

Liquan: (flip the tag and scream) it's a duck leh!

oh man, then the staff was like gathering other mini toon staffs and they crowded in one corner laughing at the bunch of silly peeps who can't figure out whether that creature is a chicken or duck.

but i sweared it looked like a chicken! it has no neck by the way! just a piece of chicken butt-looking cotton with a head sticking out from one end.

we bought that chicken-looking alien anyway for zongqin since it was claimed to be a duck.

went to shop around with liquan after that and home.

random

to xuemei, yea! thanks for being there! loves!

after so long, i didn't know that this friend i didn't expect to appear was beside me all along. how disappointing, never did i expect.

and i bet you people would suspect me. i've been too quiet to be known normal today and i tried to defend my friend a couple of times. but just to let you people know, i just wanna keep things neutral, please don't push your target too hard, i'm saying this because your target is my friend, it's hard for me to go against and take sides with you people who are my friends too. i shall do nothing from now. is it i knew too much?

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2007-05-12T09:25:00.001-07:00

today's a longgggg day!

promotion test

many people not around though, only like 15 people present? drills was disaster. leslie sabo weslie like hell during the MOI by asking tons of questions like march on what leg and whatsoever. was all blurred out. lost my sense of direction and always march the wrong way. today's not my day i guess.

Off center play @ esplanade

rock it! i loved the play! touching story about worlds of mental patients here in s'pore. the actors were great and dramatic enough to scare you off your seat. they shout at you with scary eyes to show the losing control over their minds. cool. finally have a taste of what's a real standard literature play.

an working adult joke?

Kia su ways to die: grab all your knife ah, scissors, ropes and pills.
Slow way to die: live in s'pore. (you'll die naturally and slowly for sure, don't worry.)

Literature class people. (not all present)

Gladys, me, Sally.

BBQ of contigent 5

didn't know many people over there but had a ltitle fun. got to know a few peeps but got no idea of their names. only like one dumbo called himself JL? who cuts his hand with thongs and tries to act sey, knowing his hand is bleeding to dry and still wanna chen qiang that he needs no tissues?

we thought it was friendly of jeffrey to shake hands with everyone as a nice welcome gesture, but he actually wiped charcoal onto our hands...

daniel got a water bomb at his butt but he bearly looked surprised or shocked but just keep on concentrating on his bbq wing.

we girls sat at the rocks there to watch the sea and stars, pretty. was a comfort to stay there and enjoy the scenery with food served to you to fill up your stomach. after that went home via train with some area 3 peeps. that wearing-green-jacket-all-the-time CI was there as well and still remembers our names, what a surprise. i guess zongqin, the only person who gives "love,fight,love,fight" timing instead of "left,right,left right" will sure die under this green jacket CI's hands during ATC bah, hoho.

it sucks but i still feel the deadly stares from her eyes? like erm what did i do luh? it was a misunderstanding or what? i bet you didn't want to see me appearing in front of you at pasir ris eh.

ahh. i don't wish to be too dependent on you either.

Random

tbt: Happy! Sad! Angry! all 3-in-1 expressions.

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2007-05-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

today was real madness.

Derek's new name is SHEEP Baaa Baaa! Because of his highly-coiled up hair! and and the V-shaped chin! Liquan and me keep imagining him galloping on four legs on the grass field, baa baa-ing happily, so carefree and happy!

And Christopher's new name is SHADOW -a gigantic one (x That covers the whole of S'pore that's the reason that led to rainy days these days as his shadow covers the sun and creates dark clouds. AHAHAHA! He looked real sianed-out when we picked up the topic of him being a big shadow over and over again! tbt even thinks that Christopher's shadow led to the black out yesterday at mac! Oh man!

SHEEP thought he looked gorgeous in a female's jacket! Some more he zipped it all up like no neck like that!

Spot us yet? Liquan's artistic shot.

Madness overwhelmed me again.

i drew Fuji, the moutain on a part of the blank space in the maths question with a stick man at the middle of the moutain resting.

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2007-05-03T03:47:00.000-07:00

Mid year?

I screwed it.

man. i got it all wrong! and and, bio i screwed it all! 30 marks flew off?

been having studies at library normally until when tbt went too high and pratically waved to everyone who walked pass the glass window... He scared off little kids with his big actions and mouth. and he got this whatever breast qi gong. jingyi shoot paper balls at him but sadly, she missed his mouth. Then we face warped everyone's face, laughed throughout. Then today went to mac drive through. it's was like thunder and rain over there and suddenly a lighting struck and the whole mac black out. tbt came out from toliet saying he got shocked cause suddenly the whole toliet was real bright with the lighting and black out.

make me wonder (:

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2007-04-24T03:03:00.000-07:00

wrong place...

Kids! adorable creatures that ever lived.

Afraid that taman camp is coming. can't more bowels for 4 days man! what a torture! Heard from Mr. Chandra in biology class that if a person is constipated and refused to poot, the anus will get infected! Woah! So my plan would be to eat loads and loads of fruits on teh night before and unload all unnecessary stuffs before i go for camp.

Weslie is a attractive guy! (attractive among guys) Wherever he goes, a bunch of guys would follow behind him in class. See his beauty eh?

And and, i'm gonna fail my amaths anyway... More and more empty spaces and red marks on my paper.

2007-04-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

life can be simple after all in this small world.

kids these days do get humorous.

defination of maths: the killers of all humankind.

Thanks to every single friend around me because you people had pushed me on in bringing me laughter and joy which dumb jokes and nice comfort.

To Xuemei, yea it's nice to have gatherings! Can't wait to manufacture chocs! ((x

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2007-04-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

today i have simply one question for myself.

" should good people treat bad people nice, even though they get bad returns?"

Maybe not, especially in this dumbo society. Betrayal, backstabbing and whatsoever evil human minds can think of.

good history will never repeat. Whatever loyalty and stuffs shall be overwhelm by fame and money. Does it really matter that much? Maybe it does just that i never knew it.

so so the cutest creature on earth would be my MOTHER!

i show her my squadmates then told her the names and stuffs.

Me: yea so this is derek.

(after some other conversation...)

Mum: erm then that rabbit leh?

Me: Huh? rabbit? what rabbit?

after some time i realised she was trying to pronouce derek's name! Hahahaha! She's cute! rabbit? derek? rabbit? sound quite alike hahaha!

i came home late, 9 something. She awaited my return. I greeted her and she turned to give me a stern look. She scolded me. i told her i had called her up to inform that i will be returing home late. She told me it's not about that matter but that my studies is not managed well. She's worried i know. But i would prefer her scolding me, the more she scolds, the more she assure me that she still cares for me. She never feel that i had grown up and will figure my life out. She's always patient in nagging even when i get fed up at times and screamed at her almost all the time. And now she's here to nag me to sleep...Hahaha.

and one word for my sister : DISGUSTING! HEHE!

i screamed at her the word disgusting countless times, she's very self-conscious so very sensitive to such words.

Me: DISGUSTING YOU! x one billion times

Sis: You better stop it or i'll shut down your computer!

Me: (covered the com and mouse with myself) DISGUSTING YOU! HAHA!

She jumped on me and covered my mouth with her hands to stop me repeating those words.

And there's this song that went on the radio while sis once drive me home:

"what's that coming over the hill? is it a monster?! is it a monster?!"

i changed the lyrics and went:

"what's that coming over the hill? is it a monster?! YES! IT'S MY SISTER!"

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2007-04-17T01:08:00.000-07:00

i love the people around me! They ROCK

so there's

Dad, Mum, Sis, Cousin Steven, cousin Michelle, Angelica, Kenni, Kaya, Jeanette, Jiamin, Cheryl, Sheryl, Liquan, Lillian, Jingyi, Derek, TBT, Daniel, Kangqi, Loretta, Samuel, Stacy, Vanessa, Felicia, Julia, Alicia Pan, Petrina and my Aunt.

they had brightened up my day on 14 April! Rock them all! i love you people! hope i didn't miss out anyone though. And of course there are many more peeps who rocks too!

Special thanks to:

Kaya, Jingyi, Liquan, Lillian, Derek, Tbt, Daniel and Kangqi for the celebration!

Something amazing happened! Liquan together with Petrina and Cheryl bought the same gift as Jeanette! wah hahahha! i shall now have two same gifts! ((x

after chatting with a friend, he reminded me i had once punched him in his eye during recess. didn't realise i was that violent in primary school...

and i used to bully a boy in pri and stole his lunch box to throw into trashcan! hehe! i still remembered how happy i was when i saw him searching helplessly for his lunchbox.

father's not here till sat, it's sian after all. i need you, father.

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2007-03-13T07:45:00.001-07:00

Day 1
got scolded right in the morning by dad just because i refused to bring powder to camp! might sound ridiculous!

went to school to change clothes and sat bus to the custom. For a billion times the custom ppl always tell me to change my passport photo but i still got 3 years before it expires. then we slept all the way to a place where we get some snacks. There were loads of magazines.

Then we npcc plus nicholas and zhen xuan play zong ji mi ma and concentration game. it was damn fun. we reached there and put our bags before we set off up the mountain. i realise we have no water, which was a total nightmare. was super thristy throughout the trip but thanks to some ncc ppl who provide me some water supply.

we at first keep climbing stairs which i thot must be all the way up in the stairs but then suddenly the stairs cut off and we have to climb muddy grounds with ropes some times. my worst nightmare is to cross streams especially walking over the rocks, u can just slip any time. we reached the campsite at 9pm. have nuggets and crackers for snacks and rice for dinner. the toliets there were "great" for girls. i didnt even have the guts to open the door. I saw ants that were 2.5cm long climbing in and out of the metal box toliet. i heard inside got laods of creatures so all the girls used public, natural toliets which is right in bushes, in the dark. slept at 11pm. in teh middle of the night, the wind was huge and the streams flown faster which i assumed it's the sound of raining so suddenly i just sat right up and woke up a few girls in my tent. sorry about that.

Day 2
terrence shook all our tents at 2.10am so we quickly ate breakfast and set off to the submit. my group charlie started off first and i was the second man. jingyi's torch spoilt at the wrong time but lucky joey got an extra one but i exchange torch with zong qin, his one like siao siao, happy happy no light then got light again. so i off it in the end and anyhow touch the ground to fidn my way. there were a couple of times i almost fell backwards and down the slope but lucky the roots there were super firm. It was super dark and when we all off the lights i cannot see anything. there was once when i was shinin on the ground and found a pair of feet, i almost screamed lah but quickly shine up and realised it's the malay tour guide, he didnt even on his torch and stood there quitely, freaked me out when i saw the feet out of no where! he even laughed at my dumb-ness. we managed to passed through kfc (stands for killer-wadeva, i forgot) it was almost 90 degrees to the ground. a few guys climbed super fast to give a hand to everyone. then we managed to reached the submit at 10am? it was super cooling, cooler than aircons and we npcc sang b'day song for lillian. took photos. got a scratched from a rock but tt scratch is considered a peanut to everyone, there were worse ones. Then we climbed down, which was worse than climbin up. i cant jump cos i scare i leap forward and down the mountain i'll go. thanks for many many many helping hands. then we went to a little cave to get mineral water. i didnt put the aqua tabs and ended up stomach pain. we have loads of absailing, i walked super slwo until the guide keep nagging me to move faster. then i sat down to rest a while but fell asleep which was super fast. then we continued our way down. the guys will always half way through pee on no where. then we went down have lunch and pack up to get down to the resort. We were lucky to reached the resort before night falls but i hurt my big toe nail. it was about todistached from my flesh because i jumped and landed in a wrong position. we went to our bunks, they were comfortable and lovely, two rows of double decker beds in one big room. we went to bath, the toliet water was super super cold! fatin and xitong counted 123 and screamed together.

then we slept. but tt night was a little scary cos when i was sleeping, not unconsious yet, my body jerk like hell on it's own, totally freaked me out! then i prayed and slept.

woke up at 7.30am to wash up and eat breakfast before we walk to the bus and off to some shopping mall. the mall was great! bowling per game is 2RM only! food were good and cheap! caps for 5 RM! u can just go nuts over there! ate chicken rice, tasted great and sat infront of a tv showing mtv! wat a life!

then we went to the custom. on the way, the np guys played pictionary and zongqin drew a creature with fire on the tail and he called it a hotdog. all of us laughed like hell, the drawing was weird. then he drew curly lines with a circular thing beside it and he call it (mian pao) bread. the curly thing is mian and the circular thing is pao!

then the ncc ppl went to ka jiao esaint and xuan liang sleeping! they took a sandal and placed it on esaint's chest then a shoe on xuan liang! then they took pics, giggling all the way. keat onn took off his sock and wave it in front of esaint. then chun kiat from behidn passed down a brush type broom but lucky they woke up or else i dun noe wat they gonna do with tt brush thing!

surprisingly, i realised got a lot of ppl were kinda helpful and kind to share chocs with u so tt u can have energy to climb and to provide u jacket on bus if u are cold and water for drinking. so different from themselves in school. they are really nice ppl there after all. i saw something. i didn't knwo u kept tt gift in the wallet lah! i thot u could have threw it away long time ago like wat i expected.

then after camp, a few of us went to mac. derek cheated my money! he asked me to upsize my drinks and everything while he dun and exchange with him the upsized food. so i pay more for non-upsized food! daniel lost his wallet but lucky found it le! but we suspect the wrong person, cos he looked so suspicious so i stared at him for a few minutes. he felt himself being watched so he began to eat faster. then he glanced around the room still saw me looking at him, he quickly put on ear phones for music to comfort him then after a while he still spot me looking at him so he got so scared and covered his face while eating. sorry though ahahaha misunderstanding!